Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
