I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
