She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
