We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
