I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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