Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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