Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm at about main and main street
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
