I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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