grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
