We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize