We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
