As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
