Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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