God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
