I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
