i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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