8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
