Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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