Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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