yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
