I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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