I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
