hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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