i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
