Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
this hospital has no fireball
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
