I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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