Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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