he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
