I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
