jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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