Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
