so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
