Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Success! We fucked roommates!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
