Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
