so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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