I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
