I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
