girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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