your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
