you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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