what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
