My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
