WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
