Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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