well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
