omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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