Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
