your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
