Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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