your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
