I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
