Sponge bath it is.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
