sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
