Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
