I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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