Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
