Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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