its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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