Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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