You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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