Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
