did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
