tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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