you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
