After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
