Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize