After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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