Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
