Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She told me I should be a condom model.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
