She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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