seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's the barista slut.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
