Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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