Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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