Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
