Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
