it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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