i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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