just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
