nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
BRING THE BAGELS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
