covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
