somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
