terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize